Thursday, August 20, 2009

To him at times. I thought he showed his mind to me at chesss and when we drank bourbon and ice cream together after a long game. Is there no.

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Not have minded--so long as their superiors did not look at them in that way. It is clear to me now that owing to my unbounded vanity and to the high standard I set for myself I often looked at myself with furious discontent which verged on loathing and so I inwardly attributed the same feeling to everyone. I hated my face for instance: I thought it disgusting and even suspected that there was something base in my expression and so every day when I turned up at the office I tried to behave as independently as possible and to assume a lofty expression so that I might not be suspected of being abject. "My face may be ugly " I thought "but let it be lofty expressive and above all EXTREMELY intelligent. " But I was positively and painfully certain that it was impossible for my countenance ever to express those qualities. And what was worst of all I thought it.
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